


Immortal in the Force

by x_medea



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Masturbation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-11 21:55:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_medea/pseuds/x_medea
Summary: There was a sick relief in wrapping her hands around Kylo’s throat. She had used a lightsaber and a blaster, but never her own two hands to kill him.Even as she could feel his windpipe closing under her fingers, his hands scrabbling feebly at her, she knew this is what she wanted.After all, it was him who told her to kill the past.





	1. Prologue

There was a sick relief in wrapping her hands around Kylo’s throat. She had used a lightsaber and a blaster, but never her own two hands to kill him.

Even as she could feel his windpipe closing under her fingers, his hands scrabbling feebly at her, she knew this is what she wanted. 

After all, it was him who told her to kill the past.


	2. Chapter 2

The Falcon was finally quiet.

Rey hadn’t expected everyone to rest that first night—she thought they would be planning and worrying, too busy for sleep. It wasn’t until she had talked to Finn that she understood just how long they had been running on empty.

Or how long she had been. All day she had been working at keeping Kylo out. She had felt him prowling, like a constant buzzing just behind her eyes. But her feelings had been enough to lock him out. Whatever had happened with Master Luke, he had saved them at the end. He was man and legend.

Poe had offered to spell Chewie, and she, Finn, and Chewie had chosen the triple bunk. As she lay down on the bottom bed, she felt confident she could keep Kylo out. Her emotions were too turbulent for someone else to share them, let alone someone with so much hate.

Laying back, she reached out and felt the ship. It almost felt like a song...the engines were humming, pushing them deeper into space. The survivors’ emotions were singing, holding each other together. There was love, there was loss, there was pain. She could feel Finn's worry for his new friend. Somewhere there was someone sobbing while another person held them. Another person was in the galley, trying to sneak an extra ration for their friend who had been sick. The General was the brightest point—Rey could feel the Force coursing them all, but Leia was holding them all together. The peace and calm that she radiated was the music everyone was following.

She settled into that feeling, letting it wash over her. All her rough edges smoothed gently out, letting her fall into a calm sleep.

Until she woke up with him sitting against the wall in front of her.

Her angry screams had woken everyone in her bunk, and there was a heavy thud as Finn jumped down. His body blocked her view, and she scrambled to get around him, blankets caught in her legs.

She twisted and fell, trying to look around Finn. He was saying her name, she could see his concerned eyes trying to find hers, but she had to know.

Grabbing Finn by the shoulders, she pushed down on him to stand up, but Kylo was gone.

She could feel herself collapsing onto the bunk, angry tears spiking in her eyes.

“Hey.” Finn reached up and smoothed her hair back. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He kept repeating it softly. “It was just a nightmare.”

Without meeting his eyes, she nodded. The lie was easier.

She didn’t sleep that night, all she could feel him pulling her, trying to claw his way in. The noise of it was maddening. Her grief wasn’t enough anymore, she needed a physical talisman.

 

* * *

 

Leia hadn’t noticed Rey following her at first. She had been in conversation with Poe, discussing their next step, when her attention slowly shifted to the girl. Even without seeing her, she could _feel_ her. She felt like pain, like loss...like Luke.

Despite what little Force training she had, Leia had always found a way to soldier on and keep her feelings within. But this girl, with all her power—everything was spilling out from her.

Leia sighed and looked around to Rey. The morale was already low, she needed this taken care of. Whatever chapter they survived was closed now, and the Resistance needed to start over. People need to see this new young Jedi. They need to see her power, need to see her with the Resistance.

She raised a hand to stop Poe as she moved over to stand in front of her.

“Rey?”

Rey’s eyes snapped open, slightly bloodshot and raw. She was clearly surprised to see the General standing in front of her.

“What is it?”

Rey shook her head. The flood of thoughts through her mind were too disorganized to say. Thoughts about Han and Luke, about Snoke and Kylo, about how this family was slowly dying in front of her.

Leia watched the girl’s eyes as each convoluted emotion registered. She could feel what she had been holding back. “Come with me.”

She led her down through the Falcon to a small closet. It was cramped, but it was private.

Leia smiled slightly, it felt like so many lifetimes ago since she was in this cabin. The grief that she had been holding in the pit of her stomach rose slightly, but this time she let it.

“Han and I had our first kiss in this room,” she said slowly.

Rey looked up sharply, then around the room, confused. For some reason, she had always imagined their love story as more _romantic_. This was no place to kiss a princess...but this was just the place to kiss Leia.

“Doesn’t look like anyone’s been in here since,” Leia continued, a soft chuckle layered into her sadness. She gently ran a hand along the buttons and a large lever.

“I don’t think Han was much of a cleaner,” Rey whispered. Tears were at the front again.

Leia nodded. “He was so proud of this ship, he always took good care of her. But he never was one for dusting.”

She turned to Rey, the girl’s cheeks were wet.

Shutting the door, she sat down an upside down bucket. Even without reaching out with the Force, she could feel all the conflict in the girl’s feelings. Leia sighed heavily. “You know, Luke was always ready to sacrifice himself for his family.”

Leia’s breath hitched. The parents she had never known, the grandparents...whoever they may have been. Maybe this was the Skywalker legacy...doomed to repeat itself forever: We will always sacrifice ourselves for the ones we love.

Rey, who had just sat down on the floor, looked up in confusion. “What?”

Her voice cut through the grief. This is how you soldier on, Leia remembered, with others to share the load. Amilyn’s last smile swam in front of her eyes.

“Yes, yes.” She sighed heavily, wiping away a tear with a small smile. “That’s how we met—we never knew each other growing up.”

Rey leaned forward, the stories she heard never told this part.

“He came to save me—he and Han—after our father had captured me…” she trailed off, then shook her head.

“Luke always left, but he always came back to save us. It’s who he was.”

Rey’s breath caught in her throat, now the tears were falling fast. She wanted to sob, to wail, to _scream_ , but suddenly there was an arm around her.

Leia peered down into her eyes, then wiped a falling tear away. The sob fell out of Rey, but without any of the anger. The pain that had been sitting somewhere between her skin and her bones was slowly releasing.

“So many losses,” Rey whispered.

Leia felt a spasm in her belly and looked away, trying to think of the right words. What were the kind words friends traded when this happened, how had she taught Amilyn?

All she could say was: “Yes.”

Rey leaned into her shoulder, then nodded. There was no denying it—there had been so many losses, losses she didn’t even know about yet. The pain was seeping through her, through every part of her, but it didn’t hurt anymore, it just...was.

Rey could see the ocean again, the island off in the distance. Life, death, decay, rebirth, it was all there—it would always be there. She could feel it, just as she breathed. The body taking in the breath it needed, expelling what it didn’t, and inhaling again. This was the lesson he had taught them all. Life would continue, and so would they.

Something stirred in her belly, something strong and harsh. She frowned, it didn’t belong here. Rey looked down at herself, letting a hand reach across to hold herself. Leia was still holding her, but downcast. She could see a tear streaked on her cheek.

But the bridge was building, Kylo was coming to take this moment from them.

She kept her head down, even as some newfound heat slipped down her body. Biting her lip, she tried fighting back. He couldn’t have this moment, not this.

Suddenly the heat was pushing her breath out of her. Not now...not here...go away....

But there he was, standing behind Leia, facing away. One arm up, steadying himself as he fumbled with his clothes. An image flashed in front of their eyes—the red throne room, a woman fighting back-to-back with him, the rush of two people fighting in sync—and her need suddenly felt overwhelming.

“ _No!_ ” Rey shouted. _Leave...please leave…_

Kylo wheeled around to stare at her, shock plain on his face. He’d clearly never meant for her to see this. He stared, wide-eyed for a moment, then a strangled sound escaped him, and he was advancing on her.

“ _GET OUT!_ ” Rey screamed.

Leia stood up, grabbing her by the shoulders. Suddenly she was in their connection. Her face went white as she turned to see her son.

But he was gone as soon as he sensed her.

“General—I—I’m so sorry,” Rey whispered, almost struggling against her in panic. The ache—the need—had evaporated, replaced by rage. The connection, which had been so low slung, now caught in her chest, making her want to scream and lash out.

“Come back,” Leia said, grabbing her by the face. The grip was firm, giving Rey something real to hold onto. “Come back.”

The shudders, the screams, the need to destroy, it slowly faded under Leia’s look. Rey couldn’t even guess what she must be thinking. She didn’t look angry, or even afraid, only stern. But how could she not be? How could she hold this girl who had brought her murderous son to her…

Rey collapsed back to the ground.

“Rey.”

The voice was level, clean, practiced.

“Rey.”

She looked up into the General’s eyes.

“He made his choices. Don’t let him make yours.”

Leia released her, then turned and left the closet.

As the door shut, Rey felt the force connection between them break. Leia was keeping her out. Rey lay back on the ground. Kylo was gone, even that constant buzzing of angry energy was quiet.

For the first time in days, she was truly alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested, [here is the blueprint for the _Millenium Falcon_](https://www.wired.com/images_blogs/autopia/2010/11/falcon.jpg).

Exhausted, Rey made her way back to her bunk and fell asleep almost instantly.

If her sleep was ever peaceful, it certainly didn’t stay that way. There were no dreams, just the feeling of thrashing and screaming. When she woke, her face was wet and her body ached from whatever she had done in her sleep.

She rolled carefully up, her head falling into her hands. The incessant buzzing was back, sitting squarely behind her eyes. Kylo was prowling.

Without meaning to, she found herself stuck with him again.

She wasn’t wrong—he was actually pacing back and forth, as if waiting for her. The moment Kylo felt her, he wheeled around, his Force aura crashing into her. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he yelled. “How could you— _my moth_ —”

The hands holding Rey’s head went stiff as she jerked out. Could he say it? Can he even say the word?

One look at him said no, he can’t.

She stood up defiantly. “Say it.”

The sneer he made felt like weakness. It felt like triumph.

“Say it,” she said again. “Say it, _B—_ ”

“Rey?”

The hatch to her right swung open and before Rey could finish punishing him, Finn ducked in.

He looked around the empty bunk. “Hey—you OK?”

At least it’s not “who were you talking to”, she thought wearily. As she sat down, her hands cradled her head again. Kylo’s anger was still in there, but receding. “Yeah...I’m fine.”

Finn caught her eye and gave her a very pointed look.

“I’m…” fine. She wanted to say fine. But the lie wasn’t worth it. Kylo Ren certainly wasn’t worth lying for. “I’m working on it.”

That he believed. Shutting the hatch, he sat down next to her. “What happened?”

She wasn’t stupid enough to think he meant just now, or even last night. Knowing Finn, he had been trying to have this conversation since they boarded the _Falcon_. Leaning back, she gave a serrated sigh. It wasn’t even a month ago that they were on this ship, trying to return BB-8 to the Rebels.

“Ahch-to wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.” She had no idea where to start, so it was a good an answer as any other. “I thought…” She shook her head. “I know what I thought then, I know what thought I during, but now…”

She was surprised when Finn chuckled. “I feel the exact same way.” He shook his head, then looked back at the door. “I thought I had a purpose, I thought I knew what I needed to do. And then someone saved my life and now...it’s all different.”

Her frown slowly disappeared as he talked. It’s all completely different, and it’s all the exact same. She elbowed him gently, asking “That someone—is that Rose?”

Finn has the best smile in the galaxy, she decided. He’s so happy to talk about her.

“Yeah. The medic says she should be OK. We’ll know better when we stop off at…” He stopped, suddenly not meeting her eyes.

Rey frowned. “Stop off at?”

Finn scrubbed his face, then sighed. “Look, I don’t know what happened with you and the General, but…”

It took a moment, maybe longer than it should have, but suddenly it made sense.

“You can’t tell me where we’re going.”

The guilt looked like it might shatter him. He’s really changed, she thought, or maybe I never knew him that well…

“No,” he said slowly. “The General - she asked me not to. I would—I want to—but—” He shook his head. “I can’t.”

It was suddenly hard to swallow. “You weren’t just passing by...were you.” It was meant to be a question, but it ended as a statement.

He looked ruefully at her. “No. I was posted outside the hatch.”

She couldn’t meet his eyes—so Leia didn’t trust her. For a moment that fire almost rekindled.

_No_ , she thought before the anger could take hold. _No, she knows what happened. She knows I need a friend_. But looking into Finn’s eyes, she realized Leia probably couldn’t trust her now. Not completely, not with an out-of-control psychic connection to the enemy.

“Did she order anything else?” she asked flatly.

The word choice hurt him, she knew it did, but that didn't change that its orders and that they must be followed.

“When we land, we’re all to disembark except for you, her, and Chewie. I don’t know why though.”

That doesn’t sound good, she thought. “I need a minute,” she said, still not looking at him. He hesitated for a moment, then got up and went to the hatch.

“Look, I’ve got to trust she knows what she’s doing,” he murmured. “I wish I could tell you, but I really can’t. It’s not about me, it’s...”

Rey looked up at him, at his earnest and confused face. “It’s bigger than us,” he finished. With a nod and a weak smile, he shut the hatch.

Rey slumped back in the bunk. Emotions were chasing themselves around her body. Her hands felt like anger, her head felt like sadness, her core felt like betrayal... _It’s not a betrayal_ , she reminded herself. _Leia isn’t betraying me, she’ll have a reason for what she’s doing_. _And nobody will think any less of you—Finn’s still here, and he knows more than anybody else. Breathe_ , she thought. _Breathe in and breathe out and go find out what is going on._

Slowly she got up and steadied herself. She felt the Force curling around her and in her, like a warm embrace.

With her hand on the latch, she stopped. Had this always been there? It felt like the Force had only woken in her recently, but had this always been there and she had never realized it? It wasn’t until Luke asked her to reach out that she understood what had shifted inside her. But that didn’t mean she never had it before...

She took one more breath, then opened the hatch. Finn was still there, looking curious but not judgmental. She met his eyes, for the first time in a long time, and smiled wanly. “I’m hungry—do we have any rations left?”

“If you’re in the mood for polystarch, then you’re in luck!” he said, smiling back at her.

Rey felt her smile start. “I’m never in the mood for polystarch.”

“Who is?” he said, leading her over to the galley.

Others were milling around the corridors. Rey was relieved to see no one was staring—they didn’t know yet. While she was watching them, Finn began to prep the foodstuff.

“I can—”

He held up a hand. “You’ve had a shit couple days. Let me do this for you.”

Rey smiled and shook her head. She knew he was being nice, but he didn’t have to. “No, I’ve got it—”

This time Finn turned to her. “Rey, let someone do something for you.”

The words startled her. But Finn was smiling and already back to preparing the food. She peered at him—he really was just trying to be nice. Some part of her felt like she should still stop him, not let herself be a burden, but he clearly wanted to do this for her.

He shot her a look, then made a shooing motion.

_OK_ , she thought. _OK_.

She moved over to the seats lining the wall, and saw Leia sitting there, staring at the hologram board. The General looked her up and down, then nodded.

“Finn told you?”

Rey swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“I’m glad you two have some time,” she said, her tone even. “It might be awhile before you see him again. Enjoy this now.”

Rey frowned and cocked her head. But before she could ask more, Finn was bringing over a plate and Leia was taking her leave.

“Did she say anything?”

Rey accepted the tray, then shook her head. “I think she’s going to send me somewhere.”

Finn jerked his head around to stare at her, looking hurt. She watched him processing his emotions. It took a moment, but she could see him accepting the news.

“Well, better tell me everything now,” he said finally.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Rey felt them come out of lightspeed and Poe came to ask her to go with him. Rey nodded, and turned to Finn.

“Just in case,” she whispered, and hugged him. It was tight and fierce, they both knew it could be their last chance.

“May the Force be with you,” he murmured.

She gave him an extra squeeze. “You, too. Be safe.”

Poe had gone around the corner to give them some privacy, and now she moved to join him. She expected them to go to the cockpit, but was surprised when they went back to her bunk.

“Leia’s coming in a moment,” he said, closing the hatch.

She sat down as he leant back on the door, waiting.

It couldn’t have been more than five minutes before she felt them touch down somewhere. She looked questioningly up at Poe, but he shook his head.

“It’s orders,” he said, shrugging.

Rey could learn to hate that word.

Another five minutes passed in silence before she felt the Force ripple in the room. It was Leia, she could feel it. She was sweeping the room to make sure Kylo wasn’t there with her. A moment later and the hatch opened and Chewie entered, followed by Leia. Poe moved to leave, but she stopped him.

“Commander,” she said, peering at him purposefully. Rey saw something flicker in Poe’s eyes, as he looked back at his General. “I want you to hear this too.”

He straightened, then nodded once.

“Rey, Chewie, I want you to only stay long enough to fuel up up the ship. As soon as that is done, I want to jump back to lightspeed.” Leia folded her arms across her chest.

“I cannot risk the chance of you communicating to Kylo Ren, however accidentally, our location.” Chewie made a startled growl and Poe’s eyes went wide to stare at Rey, who hung her head. She couldn’t bear it, Leia was speaking calmly and decisively, but knowing her secret was out was humiliating. And she knew a scolding was coming.

“In the meantime, I’ve told the Resistance you are going to make your lightsaber. And those are your orders. But,” Leia paused, looked at Poe, then back to Rey, “I need you to also get this connection under control.”

Rey nodded. _Here it comes_ , she thought. She wished nobody else was here to see her being told off.

It took a moment to realize that no one was talking. Rey felt her eyebrows knit together, then slowly looked up.

There was something in Leia’s eyes, she wasn’t just stern and deliberate, she was sympathetic.

“I know my son, Rey. He won’t be saved, and I don’t want you to try.”

Rey felt her body nodding for her. She understood the words, but even still, she had had that vision...

She felt Leia’s cool fingers under her chin as she bent down to her. “He will not let anyone save him, Rey. That was his choice, when he killed his father. You need to save yourself.”

She could feel her eyes prickling, but now she nodded with intention. The vision had been about the throne room, and it was over. Kylo had chosen his path, and it would lead him further away from her and from the light.

Leia searched her eyes carefully, then nodded and brought herself back up to her full height. “Do you know where to start?”

Rey sucked in a breath to even herself out. “Not exactly. I have the sacred texts of the Jedi, but I…”

She looked around the room, and suddenly couldn’t finish her thought. “I don’t know how to make a lightsaber,” she finished carefully.

Poe caught Leia’s eye and stepped forward; Leia nodded and he asked, “What about Maz?”

Rey looked at him, surprised. “You know Maz?”

“Finn, Rose, and I contacted her when we…” It was his turn to trail off he trailed off, looking a little sheepish. “When we were trying to break into Snoke’s ship.”

Leia was eyeing him, but she seemed to like his last words. “Maz would be an excellent place to start.

“Find Maz, find a way to make your lightsaber, and find a way to shut him out. When you are ready, Chewie will contact me.”

Chewie nodded and trilled in Shyriiwook. Rey stood, she had her orders.

Leia nodded to the hatch and Poe opened it. Chewie and he left, but Leia stopped Rey as she went to go with them.

“Do not leave this room until you feel Chewie go to lightspeed.”

Rey sighed, but agreed. It was safer this way.

The General moved to the other side of the door. “And Rey, do not keep anything like this from me again. I will not allow you to risk all our lives. There will be no more chances.”

Rey felt her legs go weak.

Leia pulled the hatch shut, saying, “May the Force be with you.”


End file.
